


observations

by rievu



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2020-05-20 15:44:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19379764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rievu/pseuds/rievu
Summary: “Exactly,” Jaal presses on. “The Resistance needs someone at the side of that alien and analyze their motives. And if the worst comes to pass, then I will be the one to put the bullet through that Pathfinder’s head. I can eliminate the team and hide all tracks back to Aya.”“And keep us safe,” Evfra finishes. He turns back to face Jaal, and his expression is sober and drawn tight.“And keep us safe,” Jaal repeats.// how jaal ama darav observes the pathfinder team and reconciles his mistrust of aliens with the unlikely admiration he finds for the pathfinder





	1. Chapter 1

When Jaal Ama Darav volunteers to go with the aliens, Evfra looks at him like he’s gone out of his mind. Evfra’s electric field sparks up, and the signs are clear: startled surprise and then immediate resistance. Ironic, since it comes from the leader of the Resistance himself. Jaal tries his best to signal emotions like reassurance, like confidence, like _trust_ back at Evfra. The alien fills the silence between them with words and chatter. He supposes that the alien has to since it doesn’t have any bioelectric powers like they do. 

And Evfra agrees. Jaal has not come all this way to be one of Evfra’s top soldiers for nothing. Evfra agrees, and the alien’s face lights up with something that is undeniably happiness. It’s an emotion that Jaal is sorry to say that he’s known across alien features. He’s seen it, blinding and true, on a kett’s face when it captured Jaal’s entire squad once. He wiped that expression off the kett’s face with a knife stabbed right in the carotid artery, hidden between the plates of its bones on its neck. However, right now, he can see the emotion bright and luminous on the alien’s face. Huh. Rationally, he knows that it’s a universal sentiment, but this alien’s face is so much more flexible and emotive than a kett’s face. It smiles like the angara do. That unsettles him.

It seems to work because Evfra accepts. It's with great reluctance, but he accepts. Later, when they escort the alien Pathfinder out of the room, Evfra rounds on him and snaps, “What was that proposal for?! What are you up to now? Do you know how unbelievably dangerous that is? Aliens aren’t meant to be _trusted._ You're lucky you're one of my best soldiers. Otherwise, I'd have refused and sent the alien away."

“I know,” Jaal replies evenly. “But you need intel. The entire Resistance needs intel. If what that alien, that Pathfinder, says is true, then there are cities’ worth of them already in the cluster, and we do not have the resources to battle both them and the kett. They already have an outpost on a planet. They are here to _stay.”_ Jaal watches as Evfra’s face slackens into unwilling understanding, and then, he continues, “We need intel so that we can prepare for the worst and the best, Evfra. Forgive me for the insubordination, but you need someone there.”

“You’re right,” Evfra rigidly replies. He turns back towards his screens of data that flick by too fast for Jaal to register completely. Evfra’s electricity crackles over and over with agitation. Jaal knows what the screens show though. They’re all statistics of the war they are waging against the kett: all the deaths and missing angara from the planets that they have control over. They’re all statistics that Evfra keeps running on the screens, over and over and over again, and updates whenever it’s necessary. Updates are always incoming, and they serve only to bolster Evfra’s determination. _A reminder,_ he calls them. Now, Evfra’s folds glow pale blue as his frustration bleeds through his electricity. “They must be the same aliens that we received notice of from Kadara,” he says. “The message was shaky at best, and we all thought they were some new variant of kett, but they’re not.”

“Exactly,” Jaal presses on. “The Resistance needs someone at the side of that alien and analyze their motives. And if the worst comes to pass, then I will be the one to put the bullet through that Pathfinder’s head. I can eliminate the team and hide all tracks back to Aya.”

“And keep us safe,” Evfra finishes. He turns back to face Jaal, and his expression is sober and drawn tight.

“And keep us safe,” Jaal repeats. He folds his hands behind his back, hiding them between his back and the fluttering fabric of his rofjinn to prevent Evfra from seeing them shake. 

 

* * *

 

The aliens all look delicate enough. 

Their names are hard to shape in his mouth. Hooman. Tooreean. Krohgaan. The easiest ones to pronounce are “salarian” and “asari” but Jaal still stumbles over them from time to time. Their actual names are even harder sometimes, but he manages.

But they all look decently delicate. The humans have thin skin — evidenced when Pathfinder Ryder accidentally cuts herself while trying to open a packet of rations — and without their armor, they are flexible things that bend easily. The asari seem similar enough as well except for minute scales that dot over their skin. Jaal’s sure that he can get a bullet into it if needed though. The salarian pilot also looks easy to kill: soft skin, almost gel-like, and large, open eyes that form easy targets. 

The turian and the krogan pose the only problems. Jaal thinks that he could wedge a knife between the hard plates on Vetra’s skin, but Jaal’s come to terms with the fact that he would probably have to eject Drack out of the ship to kill him. The old alien seems almost impossible to kill. Four kett charged him once, and when Jaal tried to sprint over in the field to help, the krogan merely shrugged them all off before pounding in their skulls with his bare hands. An impressive feat, but it reinforces the fact that the krogan will be the hardest to kill.

These are the thoughts that constantly simmer at the back of Jaal’s head. He doesn’t want to admit it but the truth is that he’s terrified. He’s spent his entire life — childhood, adolescence, and now, adulthood — living in the shadow of the kett, watching as his family and his friends died and disappeared at their alien hands. And now, he’s faced with even more alien species. There’s so much mistrust weighing him down — here in the center of the Tempest and in the vastness of the cluster — and the need to prove himself worthy of the family name weighs just as much. He knows that the duty lies on him should the situation emerge, and that both terrifies and exhilarates him.

Another truth about Jaal is that he is a tinkerer at heart. He _likes_ figuring out how things work, and he’s done that ever since he was young. That same curiosity serves him well aboard the Tempest, and the other aliens merely shrug it off as simple curiosity. But every time Jaal asks a question, he carefully takes apart the response in his head to evaluate as a threat.

It seems as though some species have _taosovos_ — bioelectricity — of their own. It’s not quite as present or as nuanced, but when Peebee asked him to shock him, her biotic aura responded back in a way. There wasn’t any signal about it; it was only Jaal’s own signal that came rushing back to him but more intense, almost magnified. Even then, he couldn’t detect anything malicious through it. Only curiosity. 

He makes sure to ask as many questions as he can. The asari namd Peebee and the human named Cora try to demonstrate, but when the asari yanks his body towards him with a biotic pull, Jaal almost shoots her in the head on instinct. The sensation leaves his body weightless, as if he were in zero gravity, but the way it collides with his own electric field is… Different. Foreign. The asari apologizes and claps him on the back, but Jaal keeps his hands close to his sides where he can reach his pistol if necessary. 

The human named Cora keeps a careful eye on him after that, and Jaal tries to smooth his features over with a patina of curiosity. He cannot afford to have more suspicion on him than necessary. Besides, the experience was a valuable one. Jaal documents the information carefully in his mind’s eye and then writes up a detailed report for Evfra back in the peace and quiet of the tech lab.

 

 _Communication from Jaal Ama Darav_  
_To: Evfra  
From: Jaal_

_Evfra,_

_These aliens have a different version of our taosovos, but instead of using it for communication, they have mastered it into an art of combat. They call it “biotics.” The Pathfinder can charge into her enemies with enough force to almost kill them upon impact, and several other members of her crew have more powers such as immobilizing enemies, hurling their enemies wherever they wish, or immolating their enemies with that psychic power._ _I suggest that in the case of an attack, eliminate the aliens with these biotic powers first._

_Jaal_

 

The reply back from Evfra is swift.

 

 _Communication from Evfra de Tershaav_  
_To: Jaal  
From: Evfra_

_Send me a full report on which aliens have the most biotic powers and where their vulnerable spots are on both their bodies and their armor. Our snipers will need them should the occasion arise._

_Evfra_

 

Jaal exhales heavily and glances at the door of the tech lab. Still quiet, still silent save for the sound of his own breath. Human. Turian. Krogan. Salarian. Asari. Jaal knows that if it was a choice between Aya and these aliens, he would pull the trigger without hesitation. The aliens all look delicate enough. If this is what he has to do to keep his people safe, then Jaal Ama Darav would do this ten times over. 

 

* * *

 

The Pathfinder picks Voeld as the first planet to go to between the two. Jaal almost wishes that she picked Havarl first. He longs to see his home, no matter how monstrous it’s become in his absence. A thought sobers him though and wipes the brief longing out faster than a rampaging eiroch. He’d rather go to Voeld and watch the Pathfinder freeze then risk the possibility of the aliens going rogue on a planet where his mothers — and his true mother — all live. 

He notes the way the turian — Vetra — refuses to step foot on the planet. “Did you really just ask a turian if she wants to go on a frozen planet? It’s _cold,”_ she protests when the Pathfinder asks her to join the ground team. 

 _Turians: vulnerable to the cold,_ Jaal notes. Perhaps their scientists on Aya can engineer some sort of cooling spray or blast to deal with the turians should the aliens turn hostile.

Ryder sighs and turns to survey the rest of her crew. “Alright, anyone else want to join me on the cold planet other than Vetra?” she asks.

Liam raises his hand and says, “I’m game.” One of the humans. This one seemed to be fairly adventurous, always willing to volunteer for various duties. He talks to Jaal the most out of everyone on the ship aside from the Pathfinder herself.

“Thank you, Liam,” Ryder says as she turns back to the armory. “We’ll be landing in fifteen, so Jaal, Liam, get ready. Kallo will maneuver us down. Cora, Vetra, keep an eye on us. Main comm line is open to all.”

Jaal’s already suited up in armor, and he has his trusty Lanat. He’s not as afraid of Voeld’s atmosphere as much as Vetra is. He suspects that the other aliens feel the cold more acutely than he does judging by the way they purposefully add more insulation to their armor compared to what he saw on Aya. Another note he adds to his mental dossier of the aliens.

When they land down on the ice and packed ice, Jaal stretches his limbs out. It’s been a while since he was last on Voeld. Both Liam and the Pathfinder look uneasy though. Ryder’s voice has some trepidation as she says, “Well, look at what we’ve got, boys. A giant snowball to trudge our way through.”

“Please tell me you’re not going to call down the Nomad,” Liam returns. Ryder doesn’t respond, but Liam groans, “You’re going to call down the Nomad, aren’t you?”

The Nomad is just one of the aliens’ vehicles, so Jaal has no idea why Liam sounds so distressed. “Is there an issue?” he asks. 

“With the Nomad? No. But with Ryder’s driving? Yes,” Liam says with a grimace. His soft, flexible features twist underneath the thick, clear coating of his helmet. He reaches up with his gloves to wipe the frost already starting to coat the outer edges of his helmet. He jerks one hand over to Ryder who’s already sputtering indignantly. “Between you and me, I’d rather walk on Voeld by foot than get in the Nomad with her at the wheel,” he says. “But I don’t think we have a choice.”

Jaal soon learns that Liam is very, very right. Ryder drives the Nomad with extreme recklessness. She skids the vehicle over the ice, sends it careening around corners, and even runs down a few kett from a stray squad. When Jaal crawls out of the vehicle to fight the kett, he feels dizzy and light-headed. He still shoots well though, and Liam whistles approvingly when Jaal lands a headshot on one. 

Oh, that is another thing that Jaal doesn’t particularly understand about humans. They — at least, Liam and Ryder — like to whistle with their larger lips. Jaal can’t whistle; he’s tried already. 

As they continue their journey on Voeld, Ryder insists on rotating the squad. When Jaal protests, she brooks no argument and sends him back to the Tempest to “warm up.” He notices how Ryder never returns to the Tempest herself. When he lands back down at the Resistance base to switch out with Drack, he finds Ryder shivering by herself near a heat lamp. At first, he thinks she's just doing some strange dance or custom, but then, he realizes she can't stop herself from moving. Perhaps it's a human method of coping with the cold. Jaal's own electric field tends to crackle and shake with more energy when the temperature drops. That usually helps keep his body temperature at a stable level. Well, that would make sense. Humans don't have the same kind of field as him, so he supposes that their bodies need other ways to cope with temperature fluctuations.

She looks up at him and gives him a smile. Human smiles are strange. They’re like angaran smiles in that the corners of her lips twitch up, but she shows her teeth most of the time. It’s like a constant sign of overly aggressive glee. From Jaal’s experience, he’s only ever seen other people — well, other angara, not aliens — show their teeth when they laugh or if there’s something to be overly delighted or aroused over. He doesn't think the Pathfinder would be aroused right now. This is another new thing about aliens. She pats the space right beside her and says, “Good to see you, Jaal. Wanna warm up before we head out again?”

“I am fine, Pathfinder,” he tells her. Her smile dims a bit, and now, she keeps a close-lipped smile on her face. The corners of her mouth remain pointed upward though. Perhaps humans did smile like angara after all. Perhaps it was only their definition of glee that differed. Jaal somehow wants to know more now. It’s the part of him that’s always insatiably curious.

“We’ll head out in a minute. I just wanna warm up before I get back in action,” she says.

“Why do you not return to the Tempest to warm up as well?” Jaal asks bluntly. “I see no purpose in you sending us back if you do not perform the same action as well.”

Ryder tilts her head as she considers the question. “I don’t know, I just don’t think that’s right of me to do,” she muses. “I’m the Pathfinder, you know. I’m supposed to be the leader of our squad. I’ll stay on the ground until the mission gets done, you know? The rest of you should stay safe and warm though.”

“You make no sense,” Jaal chides. “If you are the leader, then you also deserve some rest. You only impede the mission if you fail to consider your own health.”

“That’s sweet of you to say,” Ryder sighs. She gets up and shakes the snow off her armor before she looks back up at him again. “You really do care underneath all that, huh?” 

Jaal’s electric field pops around him with distinct surprise. He doesn’t _care_ for Ryder. He was merely making a simple observation. 

Ryder pays no attention to it and carries on. “I appreciate it, but I’ll be fine. Let’s get back to work. After all, the longer we wait, the more time the kett have to stir up trouble,” she says. She strides past him, but she pauses to wait for him. That same smile curls across her lips again as she laughs, “And if the kett cause trouble, we’ll have to be the ones to handle it. Peebee messaged me to say that she’s right beside the Nomad.”

When they return to the Resistance base after running an errand for Commander Do Xeel, Jaal takes the time to submit another report to Jaal.

 

 _Communication from Jaal Ama Darav_  
_To: Evfra  
From: Jaal_

_Evfra,_

_These aliens are more sensitive to cold, especially the turians. The turian aboard our ship — the tall, spiky one with plates — refused to step foot on the planet. If we have to plan a battle against them, I suggest Voeld as the ideal battleground._

_I have also observed that humans show their teeth when they smile. This is not meant to be a sign of immense glee as we view it, from what I can tell. I believe you have to look at the social context and the conversation before you categorize it._

_Jaal_

 

He doesn’t receive a reply right away, but the next morning, he finds an email waiting for him in his inbox.

 

 _Communication from Evfra de Tershaav_  
_To: Jaal  
From: Evfra_

_Good to know. I’ll inform Commander Do Xeel about the new update._

_Also, why do you think I need to know about a human’s smile? Is there some sort of aggression associated with the smile that we need to know about before handling communications? Clarify your reports in the case of extraneous information._

_Evfra_

 

Jaal's not sure why he included the information either.

 

* * *

 

He pulls the trigger for real when he sees Ryder shoot an angara for the first time. 

Havarl has significantly changed in his short absence. The plants look wilder and more monstrous with spines, thorns, and brambles twisting over and over themselves into hideous shadows of their former selves. The Roekaar have also significantly increased their holding and their standing on the wild planet while he was on Aya. 

The Roekaar are radical. Jaal will be one of the first to admit that. He does not go searching for a war like the Roekaar do. He bears his duy because he _must,_ and he would prefer a peaceful alliance with the aliens than a war. But the Roekaar are still angara. They are still part of his people. 

Admittedly, they’re in a firefight with the Roekaar right now. While the Roekaar use real bullets, Jaal convinces Ryder and Cora to use concussive rounds instead of returning deadly shots. However, the fight is going poorly, and no matter how much Jaal tries, this pocket of Roekaar doesn’t stop attacking.

Cora is the first to fall, and she crumples to the ground with her shields completely decimated. Jaal hears the way Ryder’s voice cracks with fear when Cora doesn’t respond over the main comm line. Then, he sees the way her entire body posture changes. Her shoulders grow tense, and she leans forward just before she launches herself off the ground. As she’s aloft, she gathers her biotics towards her and tackles the first Roekaar with a biotic charge.

Jaal has his Lanat in his hands with the next bullet ready, but when he sees a blur of pink go down, his pupils dilate. He raises his scope, trigger finger ready, right at the alien figure above the angara. Ryder’s hand punches down vertically, and Jaal’s gut lurches. The muscles in his hand tense, and his finger twitches. The bullet flies.

Ryder’s already gone in a flash though. Her pent-up biotics are flaring around her like the corona of a vengeful star, and she tackles the next Roekaar with a vicious yell that crackles over the comm line. She starts kicking and punching, and at one point, Jaal can see how she smashes the butt of her assault rifle into skulls and shoulders and whatever else she can reach with his scope. Ryder doesn’t use the rifle though nor does she use her omniblade. She uses the forces of her biotics and her punches alone to knock every Roekaar agent unconscious. 

When the last one falls, Ryder ignores every body lying on the ground and zips forward with her biotics. Her body sizzles when she comes near the edge of Jaal’s own electric field as the bioelectricity reacts with the biotics. She kneels by Cora’s side and carefully checks her over. Ryder starts deploying medigel packets into different sections of Cora’s suit and sighs, “Thank god she’s alright. Nothing major. Just got the breath knocked out of her.”

She glances up at Jaal and says, “I tried to deal just enough damage to knock them unconscious instead of killing them. I can’t guarantee zero damage, but you can go take a look at them if you’d like. I’ll take care of Cora.”

Jaal nods wordlessly and gets up to inspect the Roekaar. As he cuffs them for interrogation and checks over the damage, he can’t get that sight out of his mind. Ryder, in his scope with the bullet soaring straight towards her head. Jaal is one of Evfra’s best soldiers with the finest aim among the snipers. He knows for certain that if Ryder didn’t biotically charge towards the next enemy, he would’ve shot Ryder in the head for the perfect kill. He would’ve killed Ryder as she was doing exactly what he asked her to do.

That realization shakes Jaal down to his very core. 

He glances down at his Lanat and the concussive rounds loaded into it. Even if the concussive blast didn’t kill Ryder right away, it would have, at the very least, blinded her or dealt her permanent brain damage. He’s looked at Dr. T’Perro’s alien diagrams and even forwarded them over to Evfra. He _knows_ the bare minimum about human biology now, and he knows that shot, no matter what type of bullet it was, would have been horrific had it hit.

While Ryder takes Cora back to the Tempest, Jaal drags the captured Roekaar agents back to a hidden daar. It’s not his own home, but the angaran families are willing to take the wayward agents back in. He hopes that they’ll see common sense, but half of him thinks that they’ll be back by Akksul’s side within the span of a sunset.

Jaal trudges back to the Tempest and hopes that Ryder didn’t get lost. This has been his childhood home for so many years. Even if he were to be reincarnated or if the plants completely overtook everything, he suspects that he would still be able to find the same path again and again. Ryder is not the same. She has not lived here nor does she know how to survive here. Jaal drags a hand down the sides of his face, and his electricity crackles in response. His folds briefly glow with frustration and confusion before they dim down into nothing. 

When he reaches the Tempest, Ryder’s already outside, but this time, she has Drack by her side. “Lexi has Cora in the medbay,” she says when Jaal approaches. “We can still reach the Pelaav research station by nightfall if we hurry.”

Jaal glances back at the colorful skies before looking back at Ryder. “You do not want to be out during the night,” he warns. “The foliage hides creatures well during the day, but at night, that is when some of the mutated species truly come alive. There are plants that release toxic spores in darkness, and you do _not_ want to face a mutated eiroch or a mutated challyrion at night.”

Ryder considers it before she gestures back up to the Tempest. “Makes sense,” she says. “Let’s go back in then.” Drack grumbles something under his breath, but Ryder herds him back on the Tempest. 

Jaal stands in front of the ramp, speechless again. Once again, the Pathfinder listens to his advice and suggestions, and she does exactly what he asks or advises her to do. He slowly starts walking up the ramp and into the airlock, but he can’t shake that thought. Maybe these species really are different than the kett. Maybe an alliance really is possible.

Jaal wonders if he could put a bullet through Pathfinder Ryder’s head now. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know anymore. He knows that she’s delicate. Her skin is too thin, and her body is smaller than his own. His aim is good, close to perfect, and he has his Lanat. She is delicate enough. But then, he thinks back to how she heeds his advice instead of charging ahead, how she places the care of her squad above herself, how she smiles with white teeth flashing in the light. 

He ruffles his bioelectricity and sends a snap coursing through his skin to focus himself. He stops by the medbay to check on Cora, and in the middle of Dr. T’Perro’s explanation of Cora’s condition, he stares at the sterile walls. Since when did he start checking in on fallen squad members?

When he leaves the medbay, Liam is there to clap him on his back and ask what it was like to visit Havarl again. Liam tries to tell him a new joke, and Jaal finds himself laughing at it. The laughter rumbles through his chest and makes his electricity soar with sparks. Before he knows it, Liam steers him over to the kitchen where Drack tosses him one of his nutrient paste packets from Aya. Drack tells him to sit down and eat, and Jaal does, still laughing from Liam’s joke that translated over poorly.

But since when did he start doing so easily? Since when did he find himself falling into the routine of the ship? Since when did he laugh so easily, talk so easily, spend time _so easily_ with aliens?

He manages to get back to the tech lab without further incidents, and he sits down on his cot heavily. A reminder to send a report pings on his visor, and Jaal wonders how to phrase his next report. He’s always been good with words. His true mother calls him a poet, and Jaal admits that he still tinkers around with poetry if he ever has spare time. He can’t seem to find the right words though. He tries though.

 

 _Communication from Jaal Ama Darav_  
_To: Evfra  
From: Jaal_

_Evfra,_

_We were attacked by the Roekaar on Havarl today. One of my squad members took a heavy hit and is now recovering in the medbay. My request to use nonlethal force was granted though, and we did not kill a single angara._ _However, I must ask: permission to engage with the Roekaar in lethal combat? I do not think we can survive Havarl if we are to fight like this._

_Jaal_

 

Evfra must be busy because he does not respond for a while. By that point, Ryder has already led several iterations of her squad to the Pelaav research station and is currently freeing the scientists trapped at the monolith in the Central Wilds. 

 

 _Communication from Evfra de Tershaav_  
_To: Jaal  
From: Evfra_

_Permission granted. The Roekaar are too far gone, and we must take necessary measures to ensure the success of the mission objectives on Havarl._

_But Jaal. One of_ your  _squad members? Careful not to get too attached._

_Evfra_

 

Jaal jerks when he hears Ryder’s delighted cry. He looks up from the message to see that she’s solved another Remnant glyph. Only one more left before she frees the scientists completely. A smile twitches at the corners of his lips when he sees how delighted she is, and Drack nods at her. But when he looks back at Evfra’s last sentence, the folds of his face droop. 

_Careful not to get too attached._

He fears that it’s already too late.


	2. Chapter 2

Evfra de Tershaav is immensely busy all the time. It comes with the job; leading the Resistance is not easy. Evfra has done this work for too long though. He’s the one who’s taken all the scattered pieces of the Resistance and patched them back together into something whole, something functional, something _useful._  

And he’ll be damned if he takes even the smallest break from it.

It’s one of the reasons why he can’t reply back to Jaal faster on his reports, but Evfra still keeps them in a separate file in his piles and piles of reports. Jaal’s his number one source of information about a new breed of aliens. Evfra sinks down into a chair and starts reading through the number of reports that Jaal has sent him within the past few days.

 

_Communication from Jaal Ama Darav_  
_To: Evfra  
From: Jaal_

_Evfra,_

_I have learned more about the digestive systems of the aliens aboard this ship. In particular, the difference between “levo” and “dextro” foods. I have attached a document that the asari doctor gave to me about the protein structures of their food. I suggest that you send it over to our scientists for further analysis.Perhaps we could use this knowledge to derive poisons better. A medication or some sort of solution that I could mix into their foods. After all, it would be a failure if the aliens did not digest the poison properly due to a single protein._

_Also, alien foods are quite interesting, Evfra. Pathfinder Ryder tells me that one of her favorite foods in her own galaxy used to be something called “mac and cheese.”_

_Jaal_

 

Evfra stares at the email before he sighs and drags his hands down the sides of his folds, crackling with too much pent-up energy. Why does Jaal think that he has to know what the Pathfinder’s favorite food is? Why is this important knowledge for the Resistance to know? The mottled places in his skin briefly glows a frustrated blue before he resumes reading.

 

_Communication from Jaal Ama Darav_  
_To: Evfra  
From: Jaal_

_Evfra,_

_Humans have exceptionally sensitive skin. One of the human members, Liam, tried to explain the concept of being “ticklish” to me. I have included a video documentation of this. We could apply this as a torture method if necessary._

_Pathfinder Ryder is, as I have discovered, very ticklish._

_Jaal_

 

Evfra clicks ‘play’ on the video, and he watches the Pathfinder shriek with laughter as Jaal and one other human hold her down and make small wiggling motions with their fingers against her skin. Both Jaal and the human are laughing, and although Evfra can’t feel the electric fields like normal angaran recordings, he can see Jaal’s _teeth._ He’s shown his _teeth_ with an _alien._ Evfra suspects that Jaal’s field would be alight with joy based on that alone. 

Evfra continues on with the reports, and he finds that the other emails are along the same vein. The more that Evfra reads, the more dismayed he feels. There’s a distinct shift in the types of emails that Jaal sends him now. Of course, the largest reports about their progress on Voeld and Havarl are all professional as always. Jaal debriefs him completely and even includes images of the battle formations and the different squads that Pathfinder Ryder takes to address different types of threats. Thanks to those, Evfra has been able to work with his tacticians to create battle plans in cases of emergencies. Their scientists also have much more information to work with, and Evfra feels more prepared for the worst. 

This is something that he never could have predicted though. With every smaller report, Evfra discovers smaller details. Details about the Pathfinder’s favorite food, the drawings that one of the crew makes for him, how one person enjoys their beverages, what color of paint they are painting their ground vehicle with, etc. These alarm Evfra, and now, he finds that he’s doing what he never thought he would be doing.

Evfra de Tershaav now has to calculate whether or not his trusted lieutenant is still fit for the mission. 

He doesn’t want to make the tough decision — no one wants to — but as he continues to read, he has to acknowledge the great eiroch in the room. Does he have to take out Jaal Ama Darav? Because right now, Evfra has good reason to say that Jaal has either grown too sympathetic with the enemy or he’s gone completely mad. Either way, Jaal is now compromised.

The best solution here would be to remove him from the Pathfinder’s squad and assign him to therapy on Aya, but there are several issues with that. The first is that he would have to find a new agent willing to go with the Pathfinder, and that alone was a difficult task. Very little people among the Resistance would willingly travel with a series of alien species and aid them in their journey, even on Evfra’s orders. The second issue is that this new agent would have to re-establish trust with the Pathfinder squad all over again in order to find out new and more meaningful information. Jaal’s developed a better level of communication with them and now knows the different codes in and out of places like the tech lab or the bio lab aboard the ship. The third issue is that Jaal may be unwilling to leave. In that case, Evfra would have to resort to force. Evfra doesn’t want to think about it, but he knows that if the situation was down to Jaal or Aya, he would shoot Jaal without hesitation. It was the same sentiment that Jaal told him when he first proposed the idea, and now, it’s the same sentiment that Evfra has to bear.

It’s an impossible situation, and Evfra finds himself at an impasse.

 

* * *

 

Call her paranoid, call her crazy, call her whatever it is that describes this over-reaction of hers, but Cora just doesn’t trust Jaal. 

One reason that Alec Ryder specifically chose her for his Pathfinder team was because of her role and experience within the Citadel Council’s Valkyrie Program. She’s spent enough time working on interspecies military integration and diplomacy prior to being placed with the asari commando unit to recognize different patterns of trust. Even among aliens, trust was a universal concept, whether that be in the oldest turian veteran of the First Contact war or the youngest krogan eager for a fight with a salarian over the genophage.

It takes a little longer for Cora to get a handle on Jaal. She’s never seen the angara before, and she has to observe him for a little while longer in order to figure out his social cues. Based on the electromagnetic readings off of him combined with the medical scan Lexi gets on him, it appears as though Jaal uses bioelectric signals as one part of his communication. She supposes that it’s like turian sub-vocals or asari tentacles in terms of emotional cues.

The thing she notices most about Jaal is his insatiable curiosity. She can’t fault him for this one. All of them are just as curious about the angara as he is about them, and they trade him answer for answer, question for question. The first thing that sets Cora off is the way he reaches for his gun when Peebee demonstrates her biotics on him. That’s all fine and dandy. Being enveloped by biotics is always a new experience, and Jaal’s jumpy. He’s told them himself about how they’ve been waging a war against the alien kett for decades. It’s the way Jaal keeps his hands near his gun that alarms Cora. Jaal never leaves his room without a weapon whether that be a knife or a gun. Ryder lets him go around the Tempest like that which Cora thinks is a _terrible_ idea. They have an armory for a reason. 

When Cora brings up her concern with Ryder, the Pathfinder only laughs it off. “We’ll be fine, Cora,” she says. “If it makes him feel more safe, then let him keep it. You heard him. He doesn’t trust aliens because he’s been fighting a war with aliens for so long. It’s like the First Contact war. If you told one of the war veterans that the turians were perfectly fine and safe, then they would laugh at you and then keep their gun at their side.”

“But still,” Cora argues. “Have you seen the way that Jaal looked at Peebee? No because you weren’t there. He looked like he wanted to _kill_ her.” 

“Cora,” Ryder sighs. “If you were a person who had no idea what biotics were, and I suddenly trapped you in a biotic pull, how would you react?” 

Cora grudgingly nods and leaves the matter alone. Still, she watches Jaal carefully. 

Another thing that bothers Cora is how Jaal takes pictures of nearly everything and asks for documents all the time. He takes pictures of the Nomad and asks Dr. T’Perro about alien biology. Somehow, he manages to sit through three hours of her talking about krogan biology alone, and after that, Dr. T’Perro is so delighted that she sends him her entire master thesis on krogan virility and aggression. The complete one. The dissertation for the Citadel Journal of Medicine that’s around 1400 pages. Cora couldn’t even get through 30 pages of the short 500-page version of it. Two weeks later, Jaal announces that he’s gone through all of it and has already drafted a series of questions about it. Lexi, suffice to say, is absolutely _delighted_ and becomes putty in Jaal’s inquisitive hands.

Jaal takes pictures of the core, asks for diagrams to explain how it works, manages to get both Gil and Kallo to explain to him about the integrity of the ship. Presumably, it’s on the grounds of proving which one’s right, but Cora’s horrified to see it.

He’s polite enough, curt at times, and quiet when Cora talks to him. Finally, just after Voeld, Cora manages to corner Jaal at the tech lab. She brings in her armor on pretense of fixing it, and just as she expects, Jaal is on the far side of the tech lab, typing something into a device of his. When she steps him, Jaal shuts down the device and puts it away before facing Cora. “Hello,” he says evenly. 

“Hello,” Cora returns, just as neutral as he says it. She gestures to the station beside Jaal and says, “Hope I wasn’t interrupting something.”

“Never,” Jaal says with a smile. It’s a tight, close-lipped smile, and he flexes the sides of his face as he regards her. “Are you fixing something? Do you need help?” 

His gun is right on the table, half-assembled, but Jaal clicks together the sides of his gun until it’s fully complete. He nudges it away from him as he faces Cora, but Cora notices the way the handle is closest to Jaal and the way the end is pointed right at her despite being on the table.

She lets out a small puff of breath, half a laugh and half a sigh. “Yeah, I took a good beating on Voeld,” she replies. “I just wanted to double-check the shield capacitors on this.”

“Here, let me help,” Jaal says as he stands up. He reaches over for one of the tool kits and goes over to the next station. Cora sets her armor down, and Jaal clicks a button on the side of his visor. He looks it over and turns it around before he lets out a soft exhale and taps the side of it. “Damaged here which ruins the entire current. It is… How do you say it? One part that then makes the entire whole ruined?” he says.

“Really?” Cora muses. She knew that when she came in, but that’s not the reason why she’s here. She raps her armor and says, “Then I guess I was fighting without shields during that entire fire-fight, huh? Glad I didn’t get shot by a kett or something.”

Jaal stiffens, body going taut and tense with electricity crackling all over him, and Cora winces as she gets a slight jolt of static electricity from him. She rubs the side of her hand against her thigh, trying to shake that strange jolt from him. He looks up at her, eyes wide and bright, and in the shadowed tech lab, Cora swears she can see _stars_ refracted over and over from the light shining down on her armor above the station. But moreover, she can see that slight flicker of fear before it subsides into relief. Both are emotions that are universal over all species, and reading Jaal has turned out to be much like reading asari. 

Cora doesn’t know what to make of this.

Jaal sags against the edge of the table and says, “I am glad you are safe, Cora. Truly so,” he tells her, and Cora can hear the sincerity weaving through each word. 

Cora ducks her head and rubs the back of her neck. “All in a day’s work,” she says. 

Jaal nods at her and then returns to his own station. His hand reaches out for the gun, and he’s just about to return it back to his belt when Ryder bursts into the tech lab. She has a towel around her shoulders, and her hair is dripping wet. The scent that wafts into the lab with her isn’t Initiative-issued soap though. It’s something that’s decidedly more fruity and floral than the sterile cotton scent of the Initiative soap. 

That isn’t the important thing though. The important thing that Cora sees is the delight beginning to unfurl across Jaal’s face when he looks at Ryder. His hand leaves the gun handle, and instead of putting it back, he pushes it away from him until it clatters against the wall where the station is braced to. He strides towards Ryder, giving her his full attention. “Pathfinder,” he says with a smile.

“Oh, Jaal!” Ryder says with a smile. She wipes her hands on the towel and claps him on the shoulder. “Good to see you. Thought you might have been here since, you know, you sleep here and all that. Anyways, thanks for the soap! It smells really good and worked better than I expected.”

“Of course, Pathfinder,” Jaal says. Cora narrows her eyes on him, and she wonders if he’s _preening_ under her attention. “I made that blend of essential oils myself,” he says. “It is designed for the best functionality, and I took your scent preferences into consideration.”

“It’s really good,” Ryder tells him. She turns around to face Cora and beams, “And here you are. I came looking for you. Vetra said she saw you coming here with your armor, so I sprinted here after taking a shower. I just wanted to go over some stuff with you before we land for our next mission.”

“Of course, Pathfinder,” Cora says as she inclines her head towards Ryder. She leaves her armor on the station behind her as she follows Ryder out. 

Later, when she returns for her armor, she comes back to see that it’s completely repaired.

Later, much much later, when she wakes up after the Roekaar attack on Havarl, she wakes up to see Jaal by her cot in the medbay. He’s snoring loudly with his head leaned against the wall, just behind where her IV is hung up. Ryder is on the other side, and she’s sleeping as well albeit more quietly. 

The edges of Cora’s lips twitch up into a hesitant smile as she looks at Jaal. Ryder might call her overly suspicious, but Cora knows she wasn’t wrong when Jaal first boarded the ship. But now, she wonders if he’s remained the same throughout their journey or if he’s changed. Cora settles back against her pillow again and thinks that it was for the better.

 

* * *

 

Jaal stares at his screen and struggles over what he sees.

 

_Communication from Evfra de Tershaav_  
_To: Jaal  
From: Evfra_

_Jaal,_

_Now that you’ve completed your observations on Havarl and Voeld, report back to Resistance HQ for reassignment._

_Evfra_

 

Jaal shuts his eyes and tries to silence his own electricity that threatens to overwhelm his field. His ears buzz, and he can taste too much electricity on his tongue — like ozone and the crack of lightning just before the thunder — so he shakily shuts his email off. He doesn’t know how to respond to that. 

Jaal Ama Darav has always been a good soldier. Good at engineering, good at solving problems, good at taking orders, good at killing kett. A good angara, a good son, a good officer of the Resistance. He took a risk by agreeing to something Evfra didn’t screen beforehand, and that risk paid off with his work right now. Now that they’re on the verge of success, he can’t leave. Furthermore, it’s _personal._ He wants to be part of the effort to save Moshae Sjefa more than any other angara or alien. Even more than Evfra.

It’s just been so long since he’s felt this hopeful. Success is an addiction that Jaal can’t shake, and he finds more and more of it as he follows Ryder’s — the Pathfinder’s — side. He doesn’t think his admiration is misplaced. In fact, he thinks Ryder deserves it many times over. He tries to tone it down in his reports, but he wonders if he even succeeded in trying. Perhaps that is the exact reason why Evfra is sending this email to him. After all, he’s still in the process of questioning himself, questioning whether or not he’s changed and if that’s for good or for bad.

Jaal heads out of the tech lab but almost regrets it when he collides into Ryder on the way out. She’s so small — shorter than him and the rest of the angara by far — but she smacks into him with more force than Jaal expects. The air rushes out of his lungs in a single breath, and Ryder backs up into the door with a clang. “Shit, I’m so sorry,” she blurts out. “I’m just checking in on everyone before we head back to Voeld for the mission. Are you okay?”

“No, not really,” Jaal responds.

Ryder blinks at that before she adjusts to his statement. This is another thing that he’s had to get used to. Humans love asking their own species how they are feeling or they’re okay, but the automatic response is always “fine” or “okay,” even when they are not. This perplexes Jaal to no end, and it seems as though his honesty always throws Ryder off a bit. 

“Why? What happened?” she asks with a concerned look creasing her soft face in halves.

But just because he’s honest doesn’t mean he’s not completely stupid. Instead of telling Ryder the complete truth, he tells her half by replying, “I am nervous for the Moshae.”

“Oh,” Ryder says. She reaches out to pat him on the shoulder and says, “We’ll figure it out. We’ve got a game plan, we’re coordinating with the Resistance, Evfra has reinforcements, and we both have good aim.”

“That is true enough,” Jaal concedes. He can’t help but add, “But I am the one with good aim. You simply slam into people. Look at what happened just now.”

Ryder playfully pushes him away from her and snorts, “Yeah, yeah, Mr. ‘I Can Snipe Everything’, I gotcha.” She leans in close to tease, “But I still have a higher kill count than you.”

“No, you do not,” Jaal corrects. “I have been killing kett for years beyond you.”

“That’s not very fair,” Ryder retorts. “You’ve been in this cluster longer than I have. I’ve been sleeping for 600 years. What do you expect me to do? Kill kett in my sleep while being hundreds of years away?”

That sobers Jaal. Sometimes, he forgets that this tiny alien is technically older than him by several lifespans. Ryder notices and asks, “I know you’re nervous, but really, are you going to be okay? I’m worried for you, you know.”

Jaal looks at Ryder and wonders when revulsion was replaced by interest, when mistrust was replaced with admiration, when he started looking at Ryder as a _person_ and not an alien. She’s looking up at him with concern and _marvels_ at it. Kindness found in the most unlikely of places. Easy laughter, banter back and forth, all these things and more. 

He exhales slowly and replies, “I will be. Thank you. I appreciate it.” The tenseness in his bioelectric field floods out of him, filling the air with a subtle charge. Ryder jolts as the current hits the edge of her body, and her biotics briefly crackle over her skin. When her biotics and his electricity meet, they bloom in vivacious colors. 

Ryder laughs when she sees it, and she reaches out with a hand wrapped with energy to prod at Jaal’s skin. More color flares between them, and as they both watch the colors unfurl, she says, “I never get over how pretty this is.” She glances up at him and adds, “I’m always here if you need me, Jaal.”

With one final, reassuring pat, Ryder takes her leave. The doors click shut behind her, and Jaal is left in the tech lab once more. However, he has a touch more resolve in his heart now, and he returns to his email. 

 

_Communication from Jaal Ama Darav_  
_To: Evfra  
From: Jaal_

_Evfra,_

_I formally request an extension of my stay with the Pathfinder in order to accompany her during the mission to rescue the Moshae. You still need eyes on her, Evfra, in case she decides to do something detrimental to the Resistance while she’s in the base, and we need an angara to be there for the Moshae as well. Furthermore, this is personal._

_I will not leave. Not yet._

_Jaal_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> evfra, looking over jaal's reports: jaal, why are you calling the pathfinder "pretty"  
> jaal: uhh. for science.
> 
> anyways, i think it would be super funny if jaal sent back funny videos and little facts about the crew whether that be ryder's favorite food or cora's favorite flower or vetra's favorite color + be like "it's necessary, evfra."
> 
> let me know what your thoughts on the new chapter were in the comments <3


	3. Chapter 3

They fight. 

It’s as simple as that.

It’s a fight constrained within the boundaries of text and then converted to electric signals that sizzle off the screen and onto Jaal’s skin. Notes of frustration, anger, and most of all, disappointment, spark through Evfra’s emails back to Jaal, and Jaal returns the same with his own emails. Evfra demands that he return to Aya, return to the job that he originally wanted, return to what he used to be. Jaal, however, refuses. He’s seen hope, and now that he’s had a taste of victory, he wants to chase after more by the Pathfinder’s side.

Jaal admits that it’s strange. He knows what Evfra sees because it’s what he used to think before he started on this journey with the Pathfinder, with Ryder, with _Sara._ Strange, foreign, alien, dangerous. A finger on the trigger, a bullet for the Pathfinder’s head, weaknesses all recorded down and documented for the Resistance to exploit. He doubted what Sara told him — Remnant codes and circuitry, a vault lighting up and changing an entire planet, a vast galaxy 600 light-years away — but now, he has faith in her and what the Resistance could do in the future with the addition of the Initiative. 

Evfra calls him a fool. Jaal thinks he might be right, but he hasn’t been led astray yet. Hope, that bright-winged thing, keeps him going now. Still, it reaches a breaking point where Evfra personally recalls him back to Aya. Jaal has no more options left other than to obey the call. Duty and loyalty to the Resistance bind him to it, and he tells Ryder with a heavy heart. 

He doesn’t tell her about the fight or the reasons for it. Oh no. She hasn’t wormed her way past his defenses that easily. He trusts her, trusts her with his life and the life of his people, trusts her with the Remnant codes and her plan to defeat the kett. But this is something beyond trust, beyond boundaries, beyond anything that he’s offered up or taken. This is something that is solely within the parameter of himself and Evfra. This is his burden to bear.

Still, he’s grateful that Ryder doesn’t ask or push. She simply calls Kallo over the comm and asks him to change their trajectories and travel back to Aya instead. No one else in the crew asks him either. Instead, Vetra muses over what to restock, and Suvi excitedly talks with Liam about another rock sample she can ask the scientists on Aya about.

As for Jaal, he retreats back to the tech lab and mindlessly repairs armor and tools and whatever else needs fixing aboard the Tempest to occupy his thoughts before they arrive. He locks the door, which is a rare move for him, but he needs to be alone with his thoughts and sort them out completely before he meets with Evfra.

When they arrive to Aya, it is beautiful as always: vibrant and warm and colorful in all the ways that Voeld and Havarl is not. But Jaal doesn’t see the beauty; Jaal only thinks about the impending argument he has on his hands. He takes a shuttle to the Resistance while a few other Resistance agents keep his crew — _no, the aliens,_ he weakly tries to remind himself — occupied at the _tavetaan._

Jaal steels his nerves before he activates the doors and walks into Evfra’s office. Evfra is standing — he always is, never sits, never _rests_ — with his back facing Jaal. His arms are folded, and Jaal can already feel the undercurrent of Evfra’s fury lying static in the air. 

“Jaal,” Evfra says without turning around. 

“Evfra,” Jaal returns evenly. So this is how it is to be.

“You will be reassigned,” Evfra says, crisp and short and curt. 

Jaal inhales sharply, and his bioelectricity flares out from his skin in a sharp wave of refusal. “No,” he tells Evfra.

“No?” Evfra repeats. Now, he turns around, and his eyes are dark with anger. “You are being reassigned to a squad that you have been asking me to reassign you to for cycles and cycles and cycles, and _now_ you say no? This is because of that alien Pathfinder, isn’t it.”

Jaal won’t be a coward and lie. Like Evfra is so apt to do, he’s managed to file and shave down everything to the core truth. So, Jaal says honestly, “Yes.”

“I can’t believe it,” Evfra says flatly. He unfolds his arms and strides over to Jaal. He reaches out and pushes Jaal in the chest with his flat palm braced against Jaal’s chest. Bioelectricity from Evfra’s hands goes straight to Jaal’s skin in a sizzle of emotions, and Evfra says, “You are becoming _weak,_ Jaal Ama Darav, and you do not see how you’ve crumbled.” He lets out a bark of bitter laughter. “I thought I would see my best soldiers die to the blade of an alien. Now I see I was wrong. I’m seeing one of them die by the words of an alien. How dangerous.” His voice drops to a dangerous hiss now. “How persuasive is the alien? How many lies has she fed you? How many things has she done to lull you into this false sense of security? How many secrets of our people have you given the aliens?”

Now, Jaal becomes angry. He steps forward and pushes Evfra forward before he bats Evfra’s palm away. “Don’t slander her like that,” he snaps. Jaal spreads out his arms and gestures to the large windows overlooking Aya as he says, “Even you have to admit that we’ve made more progress against the kett thanks to their help. I _love_ my people, Evfra. I would not trust them if they meant harm to us.”

“What makes you so sure they’re telling the truth?” Evfra challenges. “The kett also claimed that they came in peace, and when they entered our cities, they killed us, enslaved us, took our families and tore our homes apart.”

“Because I’ve seen them work together to save our people,” Jaal retorts. He takes a step towards Evfra until he crowds his personal space and floods it with as many electric signals of conviction as he can. “I’ve seen them hunt down kett, and I’ve seen them free our people from their shackles. Now, they are helping us save the Moshae.” 

Evfra’s bioelectric signal twitches, and Jaal takes that as an opportunity to catch his breath. he tries to stabilize his own electric field before he says, “Do you remember what the Moshae always says? In an ocean of fish, one of them has to have gems in its mouth. Are you going to throw away every fish in the sea just to satisfy your own distrust, Evfra? Do you not care about our people?”

Evfra stills. His electric signals turn into a mess — a veritable vortex of sharp sparks and crossed circuits — and Jaal holds his breath. That last sentence may have crossed the line, and he knows he shouldn’t have provoked Evfra. An angry Evfra is infinitely more dangerous than anyone else in the Resistance. After all, an angry Evfra was the one to restart the Resistance with much more vigor and efficiency than before. But instead of lashing out at Jaal or screaming with electricity and voices like, Evfra recedes into himself. 

“I care about our people,” he bites out, word by word. “More than anything else in this cluster, more than anything else in this universe. I would pay planet after planet if it meant that our people were free from the kett. However, I will not needlessly sacrifice my trust if it means that we slip from the shackles of the kett to the shackles of these new aliens.”

“And we will not,” Jaal tries to say in a soothing tone. “Let me prove it to you, Evfra, let me prove it to you like I have with every other plan. Let me accompany the Pathfinder on the mission to save the Moshae. Let the Moshae give her own judgement on the aliens. You know me, Evfra. I do not build things without a plan.”

Evfra folds his arms, but his electricity is far less furious than what it was when Jaal walked in. “You ask for much,” he says.

Jaal offers a weak smile. “Asking for much is what has enabled me to succeed thus far,” he tells Evfra.

“Cocky, sure-headed _vehshaanan,”_ Evfra grumbles. 

“I wasn’t the only _vehshaanan_ in my cohort,” Jaal says with a wry smile.

Evfra shakes his head and says, “No, you’re more pleased with your own shit than any of my other top lieutenants in the field, Jaal Ama Darav.” He sounds tired now, and he shuts his eyes for a long time as he continues, “You may remain on your current mission with the Pathfinder until the Moshae is rescued. We will have this conversation again when the mission is finished.”

He cracks one eye open, and his eye looks blacker and darker than the deepest night of Havarl as he quietly says, “And if it turns out that you’re compromised or that you are endangering our people, my bullet will be the first through your head. Don’t doubt me on that, Ama Darav.”

“Understood,” Jaal says breathlessly.

Evfra turns around and gazes out the window again. He doesn’t look back at Jaal when he says, “Dismissed.”

Jaal doesn’t waste any time and leaves the room. His heart feels like it’s about to beat out of his chest, and he can barely control his bioelectricity enough to keep it from arcing wide static charges of hope. 

He has a chance now to prove Evfra — and the rest of his people — wrong once and for all. This mission _cannot_ fail now. 

 

* * *

 

Ryder agrees to take him with her when she assaults the kett base. In fact, she almost looks scandalized at the concept of _not_ bringing him. “Why the hell would I _not_ bring you?” she asks him. “That would just defeat the entire purpose of it. Why? Do you not want to go?”

Jaal hurries to say, “No, no, of course not. I merely wished to make sure.”

Ryder claps him on the back and says, “Well, for what it’s worth, it’s not my mission. It’s yours. And we’re here to watch your back in there no matter what. We’re saving your Moshae and kicking kett ass.”

Ryder takes her leave then, and Jaal’s left gaping in her wake. His mission, not hers. Granted, he thought of it like that in his mind, but having her confirm that out loud feel so strange. The weight of the trust that Ryder places in his hands feels heavy, but he welcomes the weight of it. He only regrets that he can’t give her his full trust as much as he wants to. That can only happen when his people do as well, and he hopes with all his heart and all his soul that he can make that happen. 

He polishes his Lanat for what feels like the thousandth time and double-checks his armor. Everything is in perfect shape, and everything is repaired and upgraded as much as it can possibly be. His canisters of medigel are full, and his ammo is full as well. There’s nothing else that he can do except wait until the time comes to deploy. 

Jaal ends up pacing inside the tech lab. He can’t bear to wait on the bridge with Kallo’s map and projected trajectories flickering in their respective holograms on the consoles. Being down below near the vehicle and the storage bins makes him feel like he’s too far away. Being in the crew room or the kitchen makes him feel too exposed and awkward. 

So, the tech lab it is. He usually ends up sleeping in the tech lab anyways. During the first few weeks, he didn’t trust the crew enough to sleep in the same room despite being assigned a bed there. Jaal remembers sleeping on the floor of the tech lab with a gun always by his hand. Ryder ended up putting a cot there for him to sleep on, but even then, it took him a full day’s worth of tinkering with the cot to see if there was a hidden trap. Now, he sleeps with the rest of the crew, but the cot is still there, folded up in the corner. 

Jaal paces the slim distance between one end of the lab to the other, and he’s so absorbed in his thoughts that he barely notices Ryder. “You okay?” Ryder asks in the softest voice possible though.

He turns around, and he’s startled at the amount of gentle concern in her expression. The amount of empathy that she has always startles him. He drags a hand down his face and lets out a long sigh before he says, “Not quite.”

“Nervous for the mission or is it something else?” 

“Both?” Jaal hesitantly replies. 

Ryder cocks her head to the side with some confusion, but instead of pressing it, she hops up to sit on one of the counter and waits for his response. Jaal wrestles with the words in his mind, trying to slot them together to accurately describe his feelings while keeping some of his motives at bay. Finally, he says, “There is a lot riding on this mission. My people depend on it as well as yours. I worry that if we fail, it will mean doom to us all.”

“It can’t be that bad,” Ryder replies. “We’ve killed kett before, and we can kill them again.”

If only it was as easy as that. Jaal lets out a bitter chuckle and says, “It is not only the kett that is the issue here. It is a matter of safety and of trust between our people. I can only hope that I have convinced Evfra adequately of your worthiness.”

Ryder’s expression sobers and she asks, “Is that what you went to HQ for?”

Jaal only nods.

Ryder’s face twists, and although Jaal isn’t quite as good at reading alien expressions, he thinks that she’s touched. “You didn’t have to,” she murmurs quietly. “I can talk to Evfra myself if there’s an issue.”

“It’s less of an issue that you personally caused,” Jaal hurries to say. “And more of an issue with our entire people in general. You see, my people do not take kindly to new species. We have been enslaved and destroyed and burned and taken and—” He breaks off when his voice hitches. He struggles with himself before he gives in and says, “Our children are taught how to shoot a gun and how to run the moment that they are able to. There is not a single one of us who has not lost a mother, a father, a sister or brother to the kett. You cannot understand the weight of this generations-old burden and how deep our distrust runs.”

Ryder exhales out a long, shuddering breath and whispers, “I can’t imagine.” She shakes her head and says, “I know I can’t understand, but if there is anything that I am doing that is too much or strains the relationship that we have, that I and your people have, _please_ let me know and I’ll step back.” She looks up at Jaal and honestly says, “If you don’t want us to go with you on the mission, then we’ll withdraw and serve as backup forces.”

“No,” Jaal hurries to say. “I don’t mean that. I want you there with me, by my side, when we go in.” Ryder blinks at him, and Jaal’s folds glow bright with a touch of embarrassed honesty as he says, “We have fought on Havarl and Voeld together. It would be an honor to fight by your side again.”

Ryder breaks into a smile, teeth and all, and Jaal has to remind himself that to humans, it doesn’t mean what it does to him. She hops off the counter and reaches out to shake his hand. Jaal impulsively takes her hand, and instead of giving her a handshake, he pulls her towards him in an embrace. It lasts only seconds, and Jaal is about to let go when he feels Ryder stiffen. But then, she relaxes and returns the embrace. “I’ve got your six, okay?” she whispers into his ear.

“Okay,” Jaal echoes. 

Ryder pulls away and gives him an impish grin before she turns and leaves the tech lab. Jaal stands there and follows her with his gaze, all the way until the door slides shut with a soft click.

 

* * *

 

The mission breaks him.

It breaks his heart, shatters his soul, leaves him scrambling to pick up the pieces. His hands hang slack and limp by his sides, and Ryder has to shake him by the shoulder and whisper, “Jaal, Jaal! We have to move, we can’t stay here like this.”

Jaal’s eyes remain steadfastly forward though, and he cannot wrap his mind around this, this _exaltation._ This is the furthest thing from exalted that he could possibly think of. Instead of exaltation, this is perversion, corruption, travesty of the highest order. 

_Who have they become now? What will happen to their souls?_ he dimly thinks. _How will they be reborn in their next lives? Is there a trace of their former souls left inside?_

It is an honor to be reborn for their people. Reincarnation throughout the cycles is something that is to be honored and revered, and Jaal always thought it was a cycle that would continue onwards. Even if they took their mothers and fathers, their sisters and brothers, away from them, they would still return to Aya and Havarl and Voeld with the same souls and different bodies. They would be reborn. That was a hope that kept some of his brethren going til the very end, but now, Jaal wonders how any of them, how _he_ will carry on.

He doesn’t realize that he’s weeping until Ryder brushes a few tears off his cheek. “Come on, Jaal,” she pleads with him. “We have to move on. The Moshae is waiting.”

The sound of the Moshae’s title shakes him from his stupor, and he looks down at Ryder weakly. “What will happen to their souls?” he asks her.

Her expression crumples, and he can see fury and sadness mix and mingle in her eyes before she finally says, “I don’t know, Jaal. I don’t know.”

Jaal lets his grief slip into wrath, and he whets the edge of his fury against this newfound knowledge. “Then, we must move,” he murmurs. His voice grows harder and harder as he says, “They will pay for what they have done. They will never touch the Moshae like this.”

“That’s right,” Ryder says. She reaches up to wipe one last tear off Jaal’s cheek and says, “You’ve got the lead. Vetra’s updated the map. It’s all yours, buddy.”

For the rest of the mission, he is the first one that Ryder looks towards. As they progress through the base, his trigger finger shakes as he pulls. He used to kill kett without even thinking. He simply lined up his sights and pulled the trigger with nary a thought save for the mission objectives. Now, he looks through his scope and wonders if he knew any of them before they were twisted and transformed into the enemy. Did he kill his father with his own hands once? Has he murdered his own sisters and brothers in different skins? 

Ryder, however, burns even bright, and she’s incandescent with her fury. Her biotics flare up around him like the corona of an angry star, and she burns as she tears through the battlefield. At some point, she abandons her gun entirely, and it remains folded up on the magnetic clasp on her back. Instead, she hacks through the waves of kett with nothing but biotics and her omni-blade alone. When they’re done clearing an area, she waits for Jaal and Vetra to catch up with her, but she’s thoroughly coated in blood. Jaal stumbles when he sees her like that. That could have been the blood of a brother. Her face is withdrawn and wan though, and she quietly sheathes her blade and waits for his next words.

“Onward,” he manages to say. “To the Moshae.”

Both she and Vetra nod without another word and move on. 

The only saving grace of the mission is to see the Moshae whole rather than exalted. Jaal shudders at the thought of the Moshae being forced to undergo such a horrific procedure, but they track her all the way to the hangar bay. Jaal exchanges a look with Ryder, and she nods at him. “I’ve got your six,” she mouths out. 

Jaal musters up a shaky smile and says, “I believe I will be the one watching yours since you are the one to charge in first.”

“Fair point,” she concedes with a huff of muffled laughter. She tilts her head over to him and says, “Let’s rain hell on ‘em.” Then, she bursts forward in a flurry of biotic energy, and Jaal lifts the scope of his Lanat to fire. The Cardinal may have been a sister in a different body, but Jaal steels his nerves and pulls the trigger. He cannot hesitate.

Bullet after bullet, attack after attack, the battle blends into a blur for Jaal. But eventually, the Cardinal falls, and both Ryder and Jaal rush up to the Moshae.

“Moshae Sjefa!” Jaal calls out. His voice breaks as he says her name, and he hurries to support his mentor. He scans her with his visor and gasps, “Vitals are bad. Her immune system’s been decimated.”

The Cardinal’s body twitches at the sound of his voice, and she manages to pull herself forward once more. Her suit flares with the peculiar orange glow of kett technology, and she raises her hand to stop them, but Vetra unlocks the safety off her gun with a sharp click. “Not so fast,” she warns. The Cardinal stiffens and doesn’t move.

Jaal fixes the Cardinal with the most hateful glare he can summon and spits out, “No, she’s coming with us.”

“She is meant for the Archon,” the Cardinal says lowly. “Arrogant simpletons. This is a gift! Who are you to deny it.”

“A gift?” Ryder repeats. Her voice is torture-soft and keen-edged as she snarls, “You turn them into monsters that attack their own people. And you call that _a gift?”_

The Cardinal curls her hand into a tight fist, and her eyes flash as she snaps back, “These Chosen join with us to become great beyond your ability to understand. Like them, I was once wretched, but now, the exalted DNA of our great Archon entwines with mine.” She places her hand on her chest and tilts the bony crest of her jaw towards them as she says with utmost conviction, “I stand on the shoulders of his greatness. As they do. As one day, you will.”

“We don’t need to destroy ourselves to be great. We’re already great,” Ryder says, cold and hard. Jaal can see her hands shaking into tight fists as she continues, “SAM, is there an off button to this shitshow?”

The Cardinal’s pupils blow wide with inky black as she cries out, “No! You cannot destroy this holy place!” 

Ryder helps Jaal support the Moshae down the steps and tosses back, “I sure can. SAM, how the fuck do I blow this place apart?”

“Wait, wait!” the Cardinal finally cries out. Jaal and Ryder still as the Cardinal says, “I will release all the pods of the Chosen if you leave my sacred temple intact.”

Jaal’s breath catches in his throat with sudden hope, and he jerks over to look at Ryder, but the Moshae pulls away from Jaal’s grasp to say, “No, even if I _die_ here, this place must be destroyed.” 

“But Ryder, _Sara,”_ Jaal pleads. Using her first name sounds strange to him; he almost always calls her Pathfinder or Ryder. He’s only ever used her first name in the quietest moments, and this is far from quiet. But still, he presses onward by asking, “Let the Resistance save as many of my people from the pods.” 

“No, if this base continues to stand, then we will lose more of our people,” the Moshae insists. Jaal feels hurt at the thought of letting his people burn in the pods, and his electricity crackles bright with the same hurt. The Moshae’s signal sizzles of nothing but exhaustion and anger. “You must, Pathfinder, for the sake of my people if not yours,” she says.

Ryder looks towards Jaal and the Moshae, but her gaze finally settles on Jaal. Without looking back at the Cardinal, she says, “Fine. Release the pods. Lower your gun, Vetra.”

The Cardinal lets out a pleased trilling noise that Jaal instantly despises. It’s the same sound that the kett slavers make when they capture more of his people. “It is good to see that you are true to your word,” she says as she punches in commands. She says something strange in her tongue, and her soldiers answer with sharp, guttural bursts.

“Every pod is freed, but you cannot stop exaltation,” the Cardinal warns. She lowers her hands and says, “It will come for you, and you will realize your folly. Until then, we shall both live another day.”

Ryder’s face twists with all the anger that Jaal’s seen in her today, and it bubbles up to the surface as she whispers, “I don’t think so, you monster.” She raises her gun with a quicksilver touch and fires it once with unerring accuracy. It tears through the already-damaged armor and gives a quick death to the Cardinal. 

The Moshae shakes her head with utter disappointment and mutters, “She deserved far worse than a quick death.” 

Jaal nods in agreement before he looks over to Ryder to say, “I must help my people out before kett reinforcements arrive.”

“Go,” Ryder says. Her voice sounds hollow, but she looks up from the Cardinal’s dead body and says, “We’ll escort the Moshae out.”

Jaal rushes out of the hangar bay and back into the base. It seems as though none of the kett guards have realized that their leader is dead, and they simply stand their with their hands limp at their sides as Jaal scrabbles at the pod doors. He helps his people out. Some are disoriented, some are furious, and some have empty expressions in their eyes. There are too many hurts to heal right now, but he just needs to get them out. 

More and more Resistance members pour into the base to speed the process up, and time seems immaterial to Jaal as he rescues people that he never thought he would see again. But then, Ryder’s voice crackles into his comm line and says, “Jaal, you only have ten more minutes. You’re running out of time. We need to get out.”

“Just one more,” he grits out. “Let me save one more.”

Ryder is silent for only a second before she says, “The Moshae is aboard the Tempest, and Lexi’s watching over her vitals. I’m coming back for you.”

“What, no!” Jaal gasps, but it’s too late. Ryder’s already hung up, and he has no time to waste on calling her back. He simply bends his head down and heaves another pod door open. He gets to two more pods before he hears the sound of distant thunder. As it gets closer and closer, he realizes that it’s not thunder but rather the snap of Ryder’s biotics as she leaps forward using her biotic charge, over and over again.

Ryder lands heavily beside him and almost stumbles over. Jaal reaches out to steady her, and between deep, panting gasps of breath, she manages to say, “Couldn’t leave you behind now, could I?” She reaches down and braces her hands against the pod doors before she yanks upward with biotic force. The metal crumples and some glass shatters under her touch, but the angara inside begins to stir from his artificial slumber.

Jaal murmurs soothing Shelesh to him and explains the way out. The angara quickly blinks back to awareness and begins to clamber out of the pod. There are only two more pods left in this hallway, but now, Jaal can hear the clacking sounds of kett guns and armor in the distance as well. Ryder looks up at Jaal and says, “I’ll get one pod, you get the other.”

Jaal nods, and together, they sprint towards the last two pods. Ryder and Jaal both heave against the heavy doors of the pods. The pods may have been unlocked, but the Cardinal spitefully left them somewhat sealed. Jaal has to push his shoulder against the doors to make it fully slide open while Ryder simply hits it with a fist wreathed in biotic energy. They help the last two out.

Then, Ryder’s eyes widen, and she tackles Jaal and makes him fall on the floor just in time for a bullet to whiz by his head. She throws up a biotic shield, but it’s so dim and weak. “Shit,” she mutters. “I don’t have enough biotics to get us through.” Two more bullets hit her shield, and it wavers out almost entirely.

Jaal swings his Lanat off his shoulder and lines up his sights with the first kett soldier firing in the hall. Under the thin, wavering cover of Ryder’s shield, he takes out that soldier and then the next with rapid-fire precision. Then, he surges upward, catches Ryder’s wrist in his hand, and tugs her down the hall. 

They burst out into the hangar bay where the Tempest is waiting. The way is down, but to their left, kett reinforcements begin to pour out. Ryder casts a glance towards them before looking at Jaal. He can see the bone-deep weariness in her eyes, and she’s swaying on her feet. Still, she manages to muster up a smile and asks, “Can you hold onto me tight?”

Jaal opens his mouth to ask, but Ryder simply bites her lip and tightens her grip on Jaal’s hand. Then, she thrusts her shoulders forward and suddenly moves forward in a flash of light. Jaal’s taken along, and for once, he finds out what it’s like to be at the center of a biotic charge. They hurtle forward, and when Ryder’s feet land on the ground, she simply uses it as leverage to leap forward again. Jaal feels like he left half of his body behind in the rush, and the pressure around his body from the force of the charge grows and grows and grows. A few bullets even hit them, but Ryder keeps moving inexorably forward. He grits his teeth and flattens the folds of his face against it though.

Finally, they land in front of the Tempest, and Ryder collapses in Jaal’s arms. “Can’t,” she gasps out. “I can’t move.” Her face looks wan, and he can see the spidery veins across her skin grow darker and darker with the color of blue and purple. Jaal looks out at the kett that are pouring forward and looks back down at Ryder whose eyes have already fluttered shut.

He scoops her up in his broad arms and begins to run up to the Tempest. When he arrives at the airlock, he sags against the cool metal and thanks the stars and the spirits and any other aline god willing to listen for this gift. The fact that they were able to make it out alive with the Moshae and the rest of his people is a blessing, and he presses his forehead against Ryder’s hot forehead in the rush of the moment. 

She stirs in his arms and asks in a creaking voice, “Did we make it?”

“We did,” Jaal tells her.

Ryder weakly tries to move, but she only ends up curling in closer to Jaal. She goes limp and then laughs. “We did it,” she breathlessly says. “Oh my god, we did it, Jaal. _You_ did it.”

Jaal pulls his face away from hers and looks at her incredulously. “I was not the only one there,” he tells her. “You had every part to play in it as well. Look, you even got us through the hangar bay.”

His heart grows warm when he looks at Ryder, and although they’re both covered with blood and sweat — and in Jaal’s case, tears — he thinks she’s never looked more beautiful. She’s saved his people; she’s saved _him._ To think that he was once capable of shooting her in the head without a second thought… Jaal’s still shaken by what he found in the base, but he thinks he also found something that was good: trust. 

 

* * *

 

_Communication from Jaal Ama Darav  
_ _To: Evfra  
_ _From: Jaal_

_Evfra,_

_We are on our way to Aya with the Moshae. Pathfinder Ryder has proven herself to be a friend to the Resistance by helping us rescue both the Moshae and the rest of our people trapped inside the pods. I myself would have died there if she hadn’t come back to save me._

_Again, I would like to formally request an extension of my stay with the Pathfinder instead of working in the squad that you previously assigned me to. In truth, Evfra, I would like to continue working with the Pathfinder. I believe that our people and the people from the Jarevaon Imasaf can work together to create something beautiful._

_Please reconsider my request._

_Jaal_

 

It doesn’t take long for a reply to arrive in his inbox.

 

_Communication from Evfra de Tershaav_   
_To: Jaal  
From: Evfra_

_Granted._

_It seems like I’ll have to reconsider my stance on the aliens._

_Excellent work as always, Jaal. I still expect reports from you though._

_Evfra_

 

The approval is short and curt, but it means so much more coming from someone like Evfra. Jaal rereads the email several times before he presses his hands to his chest and flares out his electric signal bright and loud. He checks the time. It’s too early to go and visit the Moshae; she’ll be awake in two more marks. He can’t keep his joy contained enough to keep him still though, so he strides out of the tech lab.

He runs right into Ryder as she peers over the items she’s sent off for research. Ryder looks up from the consoles and gives him a bright smile. “Jaal, it’s good to see you,” she says warmly. She glances over in the general direction of the medbay and asks, “Going to visit the Moshae?”

“I will when she wakes up,” he tells her. “It is good to see you too.”

“Ahhhh, I can’t wait until we land on Aya,” Ryder says as she stretches her arms out and above her head. She rolls out some of the kinks in her shoulders and continues, “What about you?”

“I am always excited to see my home again, but I think this time, I will be looking forward to the next adventure,” he says. He pauses and mulls over the things that he knows now compared to what he knew before. “Admittedly, there is a weight on my heart when I think about the kett,” he murmurs. “But this only gives me more resolve to save my brothers and sisters before they can be… Twisted. Stolen permanently. But I believe in our scientists. I believe that they can be brought back.” He gives Ryder a wry, bitter smile. “I must believe this, so I can carry on.”

“Yeah, that base was all kinds of fucked up,” Ryder says. Her expression sobers as she considers it, but then she looks up at Jaal again. “I guess you’ll be out on more missions and things like that with the Resistance then, huh?”

“With the Resistance?” Jaal repeats. He lets a small smile curl his lips upward as he reaches out to pat Ryder’s shoulders. “No, I will be out on more missions by _your_ side. I denied a transfer and chose to stay here instead.”

“Wait, what?” Ryder veritably squawks. She claps her hand over her mouth at the sheer volume of her voice, and much more quietly, she asks, “What did you deny?”

“There was a group of elite squad members within the Resistance that would hack into kett networks and free those that had been captured and enslaved,” Jaal says. “I have always wanted to work with them, and Evfra requested that I work with them to analyze kett bases like the one we just attacked.”

“Hold on, you’re saying that you turned down a promotion for something you wanted for years to stay _here?”_ Ryder asks. She looks utterly baffled at the very thought of it.

Jaal tilts his head to the side and lets his bioelectricity softly light up the folds up his face before he says, “Only if you will have me.”

Ryder looks at him, and he can already tell that she’s secretly delighted at the thought. As much as humans are strange in how they guard their emotions, they still have an infinitely emotive face, and Ryder tends to wear her heart’s thoughts on her face more often than not. “Of course,” she says. “Why would I ever say no?”

“Then so it will be,” Jaal says. 

Later that evening, after his visit with the Moshae and after a boisterous dinner that Drack cooked for everyone, Jaal returns to his cot in the tech lab. He sits down and begins drafting out his next report for Evfra, filled with all the observations of the Tempest’s crew that he’s seen so far. Putting the words down to paper is reassuring for him. It’s one of the reasons why he likes writing poetry so much. Writing down the words and seeing them physically on the screen before rearranging to fit the right picture or right meaning has always been satisfying.

Now, he stares at the screen and looks at the observations he’s noted about Pathfinder Ryder. The way she smiles, the way she moves on a battlefield, the way she wrinkles her nose when she laughs, the way his is the first face she looks towards to on the field and aboard the Tempest. Jaal didn’t realize how many observations he’d collected on her until he looked at the list that kept on growing. He still has many more to write down too.

Finally, he adds one last note to the long list. Jaal shakes his head and clicks his tablet off. He decides to leave the tech lab, and he joins the rest of his friends in the crew quarters. The bed may be too small for him, but there, he is surrounded by friends and laughter and jokes that they trade to each other. 

Ryder’s also there to laugh along with the rest of the crew before she retires for the night. Jaal looks over at her and ruefully thinks about his report before he shuts his eyes and allows himself to laugh for the rest of the night.

 

_Observations: I am in love with Pathfinder Ryder._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew i've had the last chapter sitting in my drafts for a while, but i finally just forced myself to sit down and finish it for good. sorry about the long wait, but i hope you still enjoyed it!

**Author's Note:**

> considering how the angara have endured years of warfare and slavery from an alien species, i can't imagine how much mistrust and disbelief they would have for another alien species coming into their cluster. the span of time between havarl and voeld is such an important formative stage for both the angara and the initiative + jaal and ryder are the key players in that. i think that's such a delightful thing that i wanted to explore more, and that's what inspired the fic.
> 
> hope you enjoyed it! let me know what your thoughts were in the comments :") i would love to hear what you have to say about it!


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